Raising a 6-year-old boy, advice from a psychologist

At different times, views on raising boys changed, and the prevailing opinion was almost always that fathers should certainly be involved in this matter: only a man will be able to instill the necessary qualities in a child. Thus, in ancient Sparta, a very harsh upbringing was maintained - from an early age, the child was taken away from his mother and forced to engage in physical exercises, and taught the intricacies of military affairs. In Russia, literally the century before last, children of 6-7 years old helped their peasant parents, performing completely adult responsibilities.

Hardly anyone would call such approaches acceptable in our time. Now it is necessary to raise a child in an atmosphere of love, respect, paying attention, first of all, to personal development and the realization of children's potential.

Modern approach

In the modern world, the approach to raising boys has changed; women are most often involved in this. Suffice it to remember that in kindergartens and schools the majority of the teaching staff is female. Therefore, the child may not receive the necessary male experience. In this case, the role of family education increases, within the framework of which the father, by his own example, will show his son the norms of behavior.

It’s not easy for single mothers, because they need to explain to their child something that they themselves have not encountered - the male model of behavior. This does not always work out successfully, which is why there are so many men who behave like a “typical girl.”

Often, in two-parent families, fathers are either too busy, missing out on work to provide the family with everything they need, or they withdraw themselves from upbringing, placing all responsibility on their spouse, or they themselves were raised incorrectly, are childish and unmanly and are not able to teach anything good. Therefore, mothers have to deal with such a difficult unfeminine task - teaching their child to become a man.

Required qualities

Psychologists have conducted research and found out what qualities modern mothers would like to see in their sons. The results are quite unexpected:

• accuracy;
• diligence;
• conscientiousness.

While many mothers put masculinity and courage in last place. The position is clear - a serious and calm child will not create problems, unlike a daredevil and a good-natured hooligan. But in the end, the mothers themselves will remain amazed - why their boy grew up lacking initiative, timid, modest, not ready to overcome obstacles, not realizing that they themselves became the reason for this situation.

Taking care of the baby, not allowing him to frolic in the company of the same children, mothers often raise him in the way that is convenient for them - as a family child without unnecessary problems, thus distorting the very nature of men. The child becomes weak-willed, unable to fight back if his peers attack him, is tormented by constant fears, and has no opinion of his own. An overprotected child will hardly be able to grow up to be a harmonious and purposeful person, ready for life’s difficulties; until his hair turns gray, he will count on his mother’s help and sincerely not understand that he could achieve everything on his own.

The second option is the manifestation of protests, which is typical for children who have some fortitude. Such boys categorically refuse to listen to their parents, do not fulfill their requests, are aggressive, and act out of spite. The reason for this behavior is also the overprotection of mothers, and the child rebels against it. The long-awaited and only babies in the family suffer especially.

Next, we suggest you get acquainted with how psychologists advise to properly raise a boy so that he does not grow up effeminate, spoiled and not ready for an independent life, but at the same time does not suffer from lack of attention. Women should give up their position as an “overly caring mother,” let go of their own fears, and give their child a little more freedom. That is, give up your own maternal egoism and think about who her son will become in the future.

Rules of education

Let's consider the main points that mothers should take into account when raising their sons.

• Lack of total control. Each mother herself determines what she will allow the baby to do, at what point in his failure she will come to the rescue, however, it is important to maintain the “golden mean”, without turning into a stern lady, confident in the benefits of Spartan conditions, and without becoming like overprotective mothers.
• Use the example of other people's fathers. If a woman is forced to raise a child alone, she should observe how the fathers of other children behave. So, if a baby falls during a walk, dad does not run to his aid and reacts more calmly to tears and screaming, because he understands that falls are inevitable in childhood.
• It is equally important to observe where fathers show firmness and at what points they are ready to give in.
• It is not pulling away that will help to develop a masculine demeanor, but encouraging it. You need to help the child overcome an obstacle, and not stay away from a dangerous place.
• The word is the most important assistant for parents. Therefore, when saying “boy”, you need to try to use the characteristics “courageous” and “hardy” more often. The child will gradually develop an idea of ​​how a male representative behaves in his head.

Let us note that masculinity should be cultivated carefully, taking into account the age of the child. So, if the baby is only 2 years old, it is acceptable to give in and not demand extra effort and super endurance from him. Nowadays, children really need the support of an adult, pity, communication - we cannot deprive the child of the necessary psychological help.

Here's an example:

1. If a child falls and cries, he should be pitied, even if the adult is sure that the baby is not in pain.
2. When a boy falls and does not cry, his courage is worth celebrating and praising, showing how proud his parents are of his resilience.

This is the only way to raise a harmonious personality, and not one who is downtrodden and insecure or protests on any issue.

Liberty

Let's talk separately about restrictions on independence. You hear the phrase “you’re doing it wrong, go, I’d rather do it myself” quite often, even in relation to adult men. It is destructive to the boy’s personality; it teaches him to quickly give up and transfer responsibility to another person. Such a child will always expect that in difficult times his mother will come to his aid and do everything for him. Therefore, then parents should not be offended that their grown-up son constantly asks them for money and cries because of life’s difficulties. They themselves prepared such a fate for themselves and for him.

The solution is simple - you need to allow the child to act, learn through trial and error, and achieve his goal. Parents can give advice, but a child from preschool age must be independent.

Of course, it’s easier for the mother of a 4-year-old baby to dress him for a walk herself than to watch, gradually losing patience, as he tries to tie his shoelaces. Experts advise: if the baby does not ask for help, you need to give him freedom. It is better to start getting ready in advance, but give the child the opportunity to dress independently. If a child says “I myself,” that’s how it should be. You can’t kill his initiative and desire to learn.

Prohibitions

When determining the level of freedom for a child, parents decide what prohibitions to set for him. There are two common mistakes here:

• Their complete absence. On the one hand, the boy feels that he can do anything, feels important and independent. But on the other hand, there are many dangers in the world that children, due to their age, do not understand. Therefore, this position of parents endangers the health and even the life of the baby.
• A huge number of prohibitions. Literally everything is prohibited for the baby; to perform any action the boy has to ask permission (for example, can he take this or that toy). The result is that the child grows up insecure, modest, with a complete lack of leadership qualities and the desire to achieve something on his own.

That is why it is very important to decide what to prohibit and what to allow your child. Each “taboo” must be justified and understandable to the child - you need to explain why you can’t put your fingers in a socket, what this will lead to, why you need to cross the roadway only at a pedestrian crossing, after first looking around. Only in this case will the boy strive to consciously not break the rules, and not try to slowly “taste the forbidden fruit” while his parents are not looking.

A system of prohibitions should be formed from the age of 2; the boy should be gradually accustomed to the word “impossible”, explaining to him why it is prohibited.

The importance of feelings

Let us denote this rule: excessive care is destructive, as is inattention. Therefore, mothers should try not to “babble” with the boy, but fathers should not be shy about expressing their tender feelings. A child who grows up in an atmosphere of love and respect will learn to love and respect himself. You should teach your son from childhood to help the elderly, to treat girls and younger children in a special way as weaker and in need of support.

Asking your child for forgiveness if the parents realized that they were wrong does not mean losing your authority, but, on the contrary, strengthening it. After all, the child realizes that anyone can make a mistake, which only a strong personality can admit.

The best toys

Let's talk about the principles of choosing toys for a 3-4 year old boy. Psychologists recommend offering him as much “male” entertainment as possible, and we are not talking about cars, soldiers and weapons, but about a fireman’s helmet, a set of carpentry tools, and a ship’s wheel. Such fun can be purchased in stores or made independently.

These toys have several advantages:

• from an early age, the child gets acquainted with “male” professions;
• spends less time at the computer;
• Children find these types of games very interesting.

The advice from psychologists is this: you should purchase similar toys of discreet colors, this also helps to cultivate masculinity.

At 5-6 years old, you can give children the opportunity to help dad by hammering a nail or whittling something. It is important not to try to prohibit them from working, but to keep them under supervision so that the baby does not accidentally get hurt. Such help allows the child to feel more important and improves his self-esteem. The father is required to show patience and not take it out on the baby if something doesn’t work out for him. Screaming and swearing will do their job - interest in physical work will disappear forever.

In an incomplete family, boys can help one of the male relatives, in this way they will be able to join male activities. When the baby grows up a little, you should find a club for him, the teacher of which is a man, and one that the child will really like. Such a positive example is very important in the development of character.

Active games

Raising a son requires the mandatory use of outdoor games, but not all parents are delighted with this. Noise, disorder - this is what catch-up, hide-and-seek and similar fun entail. In addition, there may not be enough free space in the room. However, such games are necessary.

The task of parents is not to prohibit with all their might, but to ennoble these fun, to make of them a way of personal development. So, a child can simply play catch-up, or he can, with the help of his parents, come up with a complex plot in which there are positive and negative characters, and real interplanetary wars are being waged. You can tell your child about the Vikings, Indians, partisans, samurai, Roman legionnaires, warriors of Russian princes and others, and select suitable equipment for them. It is certainly interesting for children to temporarily transform into a resident of past eras; in addition, they will learn new information.

Active games cannot be prohibited, otherwise a child who is forced to restrain himself in kindergarten or at school, without receiving emotional release at home, will become nervous and irritable.

How to raise a boy correctly depending on age

Every child goes through several stages of psychological development during the period of growth and maturation. In raising a boy, the father plays an important role, but the influence of the mother is also necessary. Pedagogical influence on the child is carried out depending on his age.

From birth

Until one year old, boys and girls differ little from each other. They equally need parental affection, care, love and support. Of course, the mother at this time is the main assistant and protector. During this period, children are attached to their mother both physically (through breastfeeding and daily care) and psychologically.

But already at the age of one, a certain gap occurs - the child already begins to walk independently, is weaned from breast milk, and begins to recognize himself as a separate person.

At this time, in raising a boy, attention should be paid to the following points:

1. Physical activity. Male babies are more active and inquisitive. They want to touch, feel, taste everything. To do this, conditions should be created so that boys can run, jump, climb, and overcome obstacles. The main task of parents is to allow the baby to explore the world around him, but at the same time help him avoid danger.
2. Independence. A boy should learn to be independent from early childhood. To do this, he needs to be allowed to perform some actions on his own - eat, take off his shoes, perform play tasks. Mom should be patient and not do everything instead of her son.
3. Household errands. Children from the age of 1.5-2 years begin to repeat everything after adults. They want to help sweep the apartment, wipe the dust, and repair furniture with dad. Parents need to provide their child with this opportunity, even if additional cleaning is required after the help.

Important! Also, at the age of 2 years, it is necessary to introduce a system of prohibitions. The child already understands what is required of him. There is no need to wait for a more opportune time.

3-5 years

The age from 3 to 5 years is critical for a boy. At this time he already realizes that he is a man. In addition, he can already explain himself clearly, express his position and understand the requirements placed on him. The main tasks of the educational process at this age:

1. Instilling acceptance and self-love. The kid must understand that being a man is good and honorable. Parents should encourage the boy's attempts to show character. Verbal reinforcement will not be superfluous - tell your son what a strong, brave, real man he is.
2. Improving physical development. At 3-4 years old the baby becomes very active. His energy is in full swing. She should be directed in the right direction - allowed to play outdoor games, run, climb trees.
3. Encouraging research interest.

   
   The main principle here is that everything is possible that does not pose a danger to health and life.

7-8 years

Early school age is a period of aggravation of a boy’s attachment to his father. He tries in every possible way to attract his attention, to achieve his praise. Dad should spend more time with his son, involve him in masculine activities - take him fishing, play football, basketball, tennis with him, talk about masculine topics.

Remember!

For a schoolchild, a mother becomes the standard of femininity. The way he is taught to treat his mother will become a model of behavior with the female gender in the future.

9-10 years

A child's age of about 10 years is considered early adolescence. A characteristic feature of boys at this age is considered to be a certain character change. If recently he was an affectionate and obedient child, then a 10-year-old son can begin to defend his position, resorting to extreme measures - aggression and disobedience.

How should parents react? You should be patient. You should not shout at your son, much less subject him to physical harm or humiliation. Talk to your child, ask for his opinions and experiences. It is important to prevent the boy from withdrawing into himself.

teenager

Adolescence is a turning point when a boy’s body is rebuilt in preparation for adulthood. Everything changes - hormonal levels, the voice breaks, secondary sexual characteristics appear. Such changes are also reflected in the psychological state - yesterday’s boy becomes a man.

Basic principles of raising teenagers:

1. Cancellation of total bans. If previously it was impossible to go outside without a hat, now it is simply impossible to ban people.

   
   Any little thing can provoke conflict and insubordination, so everything requires an explanation.

2. Communication. For mutual understanding, it is necessary to establish a trusting relationship with the teenager. To do this, it is enough to be sincerely interested in the boy’s affairs and problems.
3. Lack of criticism. Teenagers are very vulnerable, so you should not criticize their appearance, preferences and desires.
4. Equality. A teenager is no longer a child. Therefore, parents should learn to perceive him as an equal person.

See also:

The child does not want to study - what to do and advice from a psychologist