Father and son. Attributes of male education

How can a father raise his son?

Boys (as well as girls) need a man's firm hand when raising them. Each of us hears these conversations almost from the moment we begin to understand human speech.

Indeed, psychologists, teachers and even doctors agree that children do best in a full-fledged family and the attention of the father is very important.

But here’s the problem: many fathers, as practice shows, do not know how to raise their sons (we’re talking about them now). At best, they copy the experience of their parents along with their own mistakes. In the worst case, they begin to make all kinds of jokes, based on their experience and life concepts, or they completely leave the child in charge of the mother and grandmother, and they themselves try to earn money on rattle toys.

And what is typical is that very often they get a result that is far from the desired one, although they do not admit it openly. Therefore, I will now try to give some advice based on my own observations, experience and some professional knowledge (a teacher by training, after all).

I warn you that everything I write about is in no way a direct instruction to action, but only advice that, I hope, will help someone raise a real man, and not a politician, a cunt or a weakling.

So, many fathers (if not all), including me, are afraid of the fact that their beloved child - pride and hope - will grow up, to put it mildly, not entirely courageous. And therefore, from the cradle they try to raise the boy in Spartan conditions, often even forbidding his wife to show “excessive” tenderness towards him, not to mention herself. This is where the first mistake lies.

It has been proven that excessive strictness can only do harm. A boy is, first of all, a child. He needs support and protection, he has a vulnerable soul, he is inherent in fears. However, even the toughest fighter, unless he is, of course, a complete scumbag (which is a psychological and even mental deviation), experiences a feeling of fear, compassion, and pity. The absence of these qualities is not an indicator of masculinity.

Do you want the boy to not grow up to be a jerk? Great! But instead of scolding him for being afraid of the dark, it is better to take his hand and enter the dark room together. Use a flashlight to show that “monsters” are ordinary things whose outlines are blurred without light.

Do you want the boy not to be afraid to fight? Amazing! But under no circumstances push him into a fight with the punks in the yard, and even more so, do not humiliate him for showing weakness or tears if the child came home from the yard beaten. Instead, it is better to teach him the simplest but most effective techniques of defense and attack. And most importantly, do not let mothers and grandmothers hammer into their offspring that fighting is bad. Over time, he will learn to resolve disputes with words, but up to a certain point, the authority of force operates among children and teenagers. Of course, teaching a child to hit everyone with or without reason is also not worth it. It is important to maintain a golden mean here. And a good coach often helps.

However, you should not rush into sports, especially hard sports. Firstly, there are age restrictions associated with the growth of the body. Secondly, the psychological readiness to participate in competitions or simply withstand physical activity is different for everyone. And a good coach will be the first to tell you about this. Children may still lack the motivation to win. And in this case, the best motivation will be the example of the father.

Do you want the kid to become a champion? Get your ass off the couch and go to the same sports club as him. For example, several times I was forced to take my child with me to training straight from kindergarten and he saw that I was playing sports. As a result, the child will not have a question: why should I walk on friction while dad is drinking beer in front of the TV?

By the way, if something doesn’t work out for the offspring, then instead of shouting, your own example will help. Do you want him to do push-ups? Show him how, explain why, and do it with him.

Here it is necessary to summarize briefly. When raising a son, it is important for a father to:

• Set a personal example in everything (not only in sports, but in any business, including in relation to women);

• Involve in men's activities (including in everyday life);

• Explain what to do and why. We are not in the army, where mindless obedience is required. Our goal is to raise an independent, thinking person, isn’t it? Again, lead by example. What's the point of beating a guy for smoking and explaining its harm if you yourself smoke like a steam locomotive?

• Take into account the peculiarities of child psychology and the principle of formation, not breaking;

• Avoid excesses with rigor. Excessive severity often gives rise to maniacs and perverts. Permissiveness, however, also did not lead to good;

And now, in my opinion, the time has come to warn against one very common mistake: many fathers strive to realize their own dreams through the achievements of their son. Such a desire blinds fathers and they do not take into account the child’s own desires and aspirations. Well, he doesn’t want to become a special forces soldier, but wants to be a doctor! So help him with this. In the end, we all have a responsibility to make our children happy. Thus, we get one more point:

• Take into account the wishes of the child himself.

In general, we can talk about this topic for a very long time. I could write an entire booklet looking at cases and examples. But instead, I will say that raising your son requires, first of all, your participation (you need to find time, regardless of work), patience, love and a desire to understand, and fairness in punishments and rewards.

author : Andrey Abin, for the site

Who is Limtobar? What does this mean?

How should a father treat his daughter's suitors?

The role of the father in education

It is hardly possible to neglect the thousand-year experience of many peoples, who since ancient times have divided the roles of men and women in the family, including when raising children. Today there is turmoil in the minds, many family values ​​are crumbling, in some countries the institution of the family is in a deplorable state, and the relationship between fathers and sons is far from what it used to be.

But we must never forget about the role of the father. A mother will always be affectionate, caring, gentle, loving for her son, ready to warm and calm him down. A father should also be caring, but in a different way. It shouldn't be too soft . His severity and justice become a measure of responsibility for his son. The boy learns to be responsible for his words and actions, to bear responsibility and deserved punishment thanks to his father. The father praises deservedly, and his praise is never a consolation - it is always to the point, just like condemnation.

In a family where the roles of men and women are not merged, where there is a strict division in accordance with traditional values, a growing boy will never develop psychological complexes. He will not become a mama's boy, nor a timid or shy person, nor a cruel or heartless person. He will grow up to be like his father and surpass him - he will turn out to be a real man, to the delight of his parents .

Psychological advice on raising your son

Psychologists who subtly know the psycho-emotional sphere of representatives of the stronger half of humanity have developed several recommendations on how to raise your boy so that he grows up to be a real man:

1. Never swear at men in the presence of a child. This is especially true for fathers of sons and his other immediate male relatives.
2. Never shy away from answering questions your little man asks you. He must understand that you are the main person who can help him understand what he does not yet understand.
3. Don't let your child be overly talkative. However, do not miss the opportunity to communicate with him when the child wants it.
4. Constantly add new responsibilities to your son's list of responsibilities around the house so that he understands that as he grows up, he begins to be responsible for a certain number of things.
5. If the boy fell or hit himself, do not panic. Pretend that nothing bad happened. Explain to the baby that scars make a man, you can’t cry, because this is not typical for boys.
6. Teach your boy not to sit on buses and other types of public transport, so that by the age of 5 he can consciously give up his seat to those who need it more.

1. Do not send your child away when you discuss family problems with your husband. Let your son feel that he is a participant in important matters, ask his opinion.
2. Teach your son that you should always tell the truth, even if it is unpleasant for someone.
3. If you promised your son something, then keep your word so that he knows how important it is and does the same.
4. Teach the boy that he must not be aggressive, that he must be forgiving, be able to forgive and understand other people.
5. Do not force your son to do something that suits you and not him. Your unfulfilled dreams should not be realized in a child who was born with his own dreams.
6. Never tell your son that he owes it to his parents for feeding and clothing him. This is your direct responsibility. There is no need to make the child feel like he owes something to his parents because of this.
7. Allow your child to invite his friends home. Let him play with them better in front of you than somewhere on construction sites.
8. Do not forbid the boy to participate in sports competitions and hiking trips.
9. Don't forbid a boy to earn money if he has found a way to do it. On the contrary, help him in this and support him in every possible way.

Areas to focus education on

Proud to be a man

Help the boy develop a sense of masculine dignity, for example, good pride that he is a man! From 7 to 16 years old is the most responsible period allotted to the father. This is the period when the son looks closely at his father, learning to imitate him in everything: his interests, actions, masculine behavior.

Today, fathers spend about one hour a day with their children. Whereas children, especially boys, need to be given a lot of male attention and time. How can one raise a boy to become a man if it is difficult for him to become someone he has no idea about? Therefore, the father is obliged to deal with his son as much as possible, passing on to him the experience of the correct actions of a real man.

An interesting example is the ancient Cossacks, where from the age of 7 boys were taken from their mother’s care into male society. It was believed that the son had grown to the age to begin to learn to adopt the experience of his father - a zealous owner and a courageous warrior. Who taught his son to fight, protect his family and passed on survival skills to him, for example, getting and preparing food for himself, and being able to navigate the terrain.

Watch the video of a psychologist's advice on raising boys. She gives a lot of advice that is needed today for raising boys.

The correct view of difficulties, success and work

The son must understand that success in life often comes through failure, that is, failure is the best teacher. When the boy sees that his dad failed at something, he suffered a fiasco, but at the same time he copes with it normally and courageously, then the son learns to understand that mistakes in life are inevitable. Sees that making mistakes is normal and life doesn’t end there.

He also learns to understand that a boy who is not afraid to make mistakes today will become a man tomorrow capable of overcoming great problems and difficulties. In addition, through the example of his father, he learns an important idea: you need to work hard, be diligent in order to achieve success in life.

Cultivate the right attitude towards leadership in the family

You may not become the boss at work or the head of the company, but you must be the head of your family. Your son needs to see the true understanding of leadership - caring for others, leading in solving problems and making good decisions. This is the ability to set the right life goals for the family and be an example in achieving them. This is an unwillingness to hide “behind your wife’s skirt”, but to take everything into your own hands.

When a boy sees that his father sets an example in all this, then the right foundation is laid for him for future leadership in his own family. If dad is just a figurehead, and mom makes all the decisions, then he will probably also adhere to a similar scheme.

You will find a lot of useful material in these articles: 25 Things Every Father Should Teach His Son. What is the secret to raising a child properly?

Raising a son by a father focuses on developing courage and determination

The boy must understand that with appropriate courage you will always reap good results when you want to achieve something. Shyness is good for those who don’t want to do anything, who don’t need anything. A determined man will not ask permission from others to achieve his goal, but will take action.

Moreover, he will not be a whiner or a wimp. He always faces problems with his head raised, but not guiltily lowered his head. He doesn’t give in to difficulties, but meets them by saying: “yes, I can do this!”

Gallant attitude towards women

Thanks to their fathers, boys learn about the correct attitude towards the opposite sex. Observing the relationship between his father and mother, he understands that women need to be treated with care and love. While chivalrous behavior is a sign of difference, it does not prove equality between the sexes. Opening doors for a lady, giving her a seat, helping her carry heavy bags is a sign of courtesy, politeness, and not weakness of a man.

Moreover, fathers demonstrate that even in the face of family conflicts, a man is able to behave with restraint with his wife. Thanks to his father, the son grows up with the necessary knowledge and foundation to create his future successful family.

Spiritual Needs

Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of men believe in God, although they are not religious. They are practical in their faith, and want to have a real relationship with God, and not follow the lead of false, unscrupulous religious leaders.

Therefore, it will be correct to raise in your son an awareness of his spiritual needs and their proper satisfaction. When a father shows an example of faithfulness in fulfilling biblical principles and how this brings him joy and benefit, then the sons become infected with a similar desire to imitate their father.

General rules for raising a son

You need to raise your son according to his age. The fact is that until the age of 2, boys do not identify themselves as boys because they do not understand the difference between the female and male genders. But from the age of 2, you can already begin to raise a child as a representative of the strong half of humanity:

1. How to raise a two year old boy:

• you must treat the baby exclusively positively: you cannot hit the baby or shout at him, because this can make him nervous and angry;
• do not interfere with your child’s aspirations to learn to run fast, jump and play ball, even if in the process he gets bumps and scrapes his knees - this is the normal development of a child;
• if the baby takes up a broom or repeats some type of cleaning after you, support him, despite the fact that, most likely, he will break or break something in the process;
• you must explain to him what the child cannot do, despite the fact that he will not immediately understand the meaning of the prohibition, but by the age of three he will clearly understand it;
• do not compare your baby with the neighboring children, even if they already learned to talk and draw cars at the age of 2 - perceive your little man as an individual;
• instill in your child values ​​and love through play - this is the best form of learning about the world for him at 2 years old;
• do not call the boy “bunny”, “sweetie”, since these words are not appropriate in relation to a boy, better use other affectionate words, for example “my little protector”, “my smartest son”, “son”.

1. How to raise a three-year-old boy:

• call your son words that would emphasize his gender, because he should be proud that he was born a man;
• dads need to spend more time with their three-year-old son, because at this age the baby is already beginning to show more interest in his person;
• provide your boy with a large space for physical activity - give him his own room, take him to the sports section, where he can splash out his energy;
• if your boy is hyperactive, then you should not punish him for not listening, because being restless and harmful is normal for hyperactive children;
• allow the child to do everything on his own if he wants, since three-year-old boys already very often say: “I’ll do it myself”;
• at 3 years old, a son can intentionally break toys to figure out how they work, so don’t scold him for this - this is how a boy learns about the world and is drawn to exploration.

1. How to raise a four year old boy:

• do not think that at 4 years old you can treat your son no longer as a child, but as an adult - he still needs your affection and care;
• do not forbid your son to show emotions loudly, since at this age excessive emotionality is normal;
• teach the boy to be balanced, but not by punishing him, but by giving specific examples;
• be sure to engage your son in sports activities, where he will quickly be taught self-discipline;
• Give the boy the opportunity to spend more time in male company.

1. How to raise a boy aged 5-11:

• at the age of five, you must direct all your energy to ensure that the boy develops certain skills and abilities, so that he begins to love work and hard work;
• teach your child that he must have a daily routine, which must be adhered to in order to keep up with everything;
• instill in the boy a love of learning so that he will be happy to go to school;
• special attention should be paid to the boy’s physical development so that he grows up to be a true support for his potential family;
• teach your son to help dad do a man's job, give him real tools, teach him to use them so that he knows how and what works;
• Explain to your son that he is a man, which means that he was born to protect girls.

1. How to raise a teenage boy:

• don’t put pressure on your son and don’t lecture him often, because at this age such behavior from mom and dad will only make him angry;
• do not impose your opinion on the boy, try to listen to him, talk, do not interfere in his personal life, because this can only turn him against you;
• perceive your adult son as a full-fledged sexually mature person;
• Pay special attention to your son's sex education , because in adolescence he will most likely begin to enter into relationships with girls.